Friday, September 14, 2012

Theon Greyjoy - Ironborn

Theon Greyjoy is another one of those characters I am conflicted about. What is strange is that I really didn't like him in the books..even HATING him at times. However, TV show Theon is doing a great job of making me like him. For me TV Theon > Book Theon. In part due to his portrayer, Alfie Allen.

Theon is always pissed off

Now don't get me wrong, I still think Theon is a huge dickhead. The things he does are horrible and inexcusable. But his history explains his actions somewhat. Plus I am currently reading "A Dance With Dragons" and..POOR THEON!! No one deserves what he is currently going through. Effing Ramsay Bolton.

So a bit of background for this complex guy: Theon is the heir to the Iron Islands and House Greyjoy. The Greyjoys are hardcore sailors and really, really mean. Not long before the beginning of the books, they tried to break away from the seven kingdoms and be independent. They totally rebelled against the Iron Throne, but ultimately lost to Robert Baratheon and Ned Stark. Balon Greyjoy, Lord of the Iron Islands, surrendered and gave up his only surviving son (Theon) to Ned Stark as a hostage. This was to ensure he wouldn't attack a second time.

Except being a "hostage" at Winterfell really isn't that bad of a gig. Ned Stark, being Ned-ish, is very kind to Theon and he is raised as one of his own. Theon and Robb are very close and think of each other as brothers. He fights with Jon Snow a lot, but Jon is all moody anyway. Other than that, Theon is loyal to the Starks and even fights by Robb's side when the War begins. Robb has a great idea to release Theon to go to his father to ask for help fighting against the Lannisters. And what a horrible decision! Theon ends up bullying poor little crippled Bran and taking over Winterfell! What a douche.

Reasons to love Theon: Well, there honestly isn't much to love about Theon except that you do feel sorry for him. I think he really would like to remain loyal to the Starks, especially Robb, but his desire to impress his father is just too much. When he returns to his father, he is greeted with anything but a warm welcome. His father thinks he is a lost cause and the Starks have tainted him beyond repair. And he absolutely does NOT want to help Robb in the war. Theon also gets to meet his sister, Asha (the show renames her Yara). Check out this exchange.

Asha/Yara totally tricked him into being like the Lannister twins! She does this to humiliate him. Asha/Yara is the dad's favorite now. I actually must commend the Ironborn for taking women seriously. She and the father both see her as the new heir and Theon feels like an outcast. He is given a ship called Sea Bitch (ha!) and he is not taken seriously as captain. In order to gain respect, Theon feels he must do something drastic to show his dad he is his true heir. Ugh, you can almost hear that one whiny Simple Plan song "Perfect" playing in the background of Theon/Balon scenes.

Reasons to hate Theon: So Theon's awesome idea for impressing his stupid dad (who's mind is clearly made up)? Well, to take over Winterfell! And with Ned dead (R.I.P.), Robb off to war and Jon Snow at The Wall, the one holding Winterfell is Bran. Yes, little crippled Bran and six year old Rickon are the only Starks at Winterfell when Theon comes to attack. And the sad thing is, Theon can't even do that right! Bran and Rickon escape and everyone just laughs at him. In desperation, he finds to miller's boys and pretends like they are Bran and Rickon and hangs them. He covers them in tar so no one knows the truth.

Not our boys, but still sad to kill children!

The thing is, no one knows the truth. Catelyn and the rest of the Starks truly believe Bran and Rickon are dead and it's heartbreaking. It even leads Catelyn to make the moronic decision to let Jaime Lannister go free. So Theon causes a lot of damage. Even his sister thinks he sucks at decision-making. He asks for her help and she refuses. So Theon's decision alienates him from both his father and the Stark's sides. He is screwed. It gets worse when Ramsay Bolton comes along and burns down Winterfell and takes Theon prisoner. This is where I am in the books. Theon is being tortured horribly by Ramsay and it's actually quite sad. If only he would have stayed and helped Robb. : (

High School: Theon would totally be a wannabe gangster in high school. You know the type! He would act all thuggish when he was really just a big wuss that lives in a nice neighborhood. Let's just say he'd be pretty fly for a white guy! Ha ha. He would talk a lot of crap, but be scared to back it up. He would pick on people weaker than him to prove his so-called bad ass behavior. As for girls, he would be a total player and be known to "hit it and quit it". He would start out high school with some nice friends from his childhood. He would then totally ditch them to gain approval from the cool gangster crowd. And he would not impress them in the least! He would also get beat up a lot by this same crowd. High school Theon would totally suck at life!

Let's Mix In Some Sticks: Poor Saucer. I just want to say that I am heartbroken for her over the lockout. She is seriously one of the biggest hockey fans I have ever known and now she doesn't have a season to look forward to. I feel so bad! I have never watched hockey, but I was planning on it this year. But now I can't and I am sad! But not as sad as poor Saucer. At least we have the blog to comfort us! And I am recommending that she read ASOIAF to occupy her mind during this difficult time. : )

But back to Theon and his hockey counterpart. I say it would be Sean Avery. He is know for making some asshole remarks and is not well liked by many of his teammates. Like Theon, he has a hard time fitting in but probably is misunderstood in a lot of ways. The both make up their own rules (see: The Sean Avery Rule) and things don't really work out for them. He also bullies other players like Theon bullied Bran. Sean is now retired because no one wants him on their team. Hopefully he won't suffer the same fate as Theon in the torture dungeon!


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