Aeron Greyjoy - The Damphair

Saucer and I have agreed to do a post on characters/players that are not our favorites. So this post is dedicated to my least favorite character. I am not ashamed to admit that I would prefer to read chapters written from Joffrey's point of view than this boring priest or whatever he is supposed to be:

Ok I will admit he looks sort of cool here

Maybe I am being a little too hard on him, but Aeron Greyjoy came along at exactly the wrong time for me. I'm not really the biggest fan of the Greyjoys in general. It took me awhile to warm up to Theon's chapters. But his story did eventually become interesting. Plus, he interacted with familiar characters. It's not like I am racist again the Ironborn, but I just don't care so much about their plight or storylines. They are savage men of the sea and I really don't have a lot of interest in them. That said, I think their involvement WILL be important and I like Theon and Asha and am warming up to Victarion.

But back to Aeron. He is Theon's uncle and the youngest brother of House Greyjoy. He apparently used to be a big drinker and could win pissing contests (seriously)! But after a near-death experience at see where he almost drowned (not to mention held prisoner by the Lannisters), he had a spiritual awakening. He now follows the "Drowned God", has long hippy-seaweed hair and drowns potential followers. Then he attempts to "revive" them with an old school CPR method. If he succeeds, they get to be his followers, called the "Drowned Men". Aeron himself is called "The Damphair". As I was searching for pictures to use for Damphair, I realized that he was on the show last season! Look at this:

 

Well I'll be damned! Was I falling asleep during this scene or something? Note to re-watch Season 2 now! I appears as though he is attempting to drown Theon in one of his stupid ceremonies. I don't remember this happening in the book, but who knows. They are long books and Theon's chapters (especially the early ones) sometimes bored the crap out of me. But I still don't think Theon was drowned. It doesn't mention it on the wiki page so whatever!

Reasons I hate Damphair: Now that I wrote his background, he actually is kind of interesting. But as I said before, he couldn't have come at a worse time. After the amazing A Sword of Storms, I was super excited for A Feast for Crows. Even though I had prepared myself in advance for NO Tyrion, NO Dany and NO Jon Snow, it was still tough. I didn't get to hang out with some of my favorites and spent too much time with others (Sam and Brienne). And to top it all off, we get saturated with two new Houses (Greyjoys and Martells). Of course I knew who they were, but I wasn't prepared to jump into their heads. They had been more or less in the background before. And the very first unfamiliar POV chapter was the Damphair and it was so boring. I am sorry to say it, but it really was super dull. I don't think I am alone. I have read on message boards that there are people who skipped the Damphair chapters, but I don't do that. I love these books and feel that everything is important, even if it's not my favorite. Plus, I am glad I kept reading because both the Ironborn and the Martell storylines came through (but not because of Damphair) and I like their chapters now. But that doesn't mean I still don't hate the damn Damphair. He is a hardass and humorless and seems like a real Debbie Downer. He hates his brother Euron and he organizes that whole Kingsmoot thing. I am too tired to go into that one! It will have to wait for another post. But Damphair disappears after the Kingsmoot and his fate is unknown. Bad for him, but good for me. We haven't had an Aeron Greyjoy chapter since!

Awesome artwork of the Kingsmoot

Reasons I love Damphair: Ugh I don't really like him at all. But I suppose he would be helpful to have around if you were about to drown and needed to come back to the light!

The Rest: I am going to skip my high school and Sticks section tonight. Mainly because I am super tired but also because Damphair just isn't worth it. He is like some crazy born again dude who drowns people. It is hinted there is more to him, but we don't see it. And I don't want some poor hockey player to be stuck with Damphair as his Game of Thrones alter ego. That is just mean and unfair. Unless you can think of a good one? Saucer? Anyone? I didn't think so!

~Beddee

Theon Greyjoy - Ironborn

Theon Greyjoy is another one of those characters I am conflicted about. What is strange is that I really didn't like him in the books..even HATING him at times. However, TV show Theon is doing a great job of making me like him. For me TV Theon > Book Theon. In part due to his portrayer, Alfie Allen.

Theon is always pissed off

Now don't get me wrong, I still think Theon is a huge dickhead. The things he does are horrible and inexcusable. But his history explains his actions somewhat. Plus I am currently reading "A Dance With Dragons" and..POOR THEON!! No one deserves what he is currently going through. Effing Ramsay Bolton.

So a bit of background for this complex guy: Theon is the heir to the Iron Islands and House Greyjoy. The Greyjoys are hardcore sailors and really, really mean. Not long before the beginning of the books, they tried to break away from the seven kingdoms and be independent. They totally rebelled against the Iron Throne, but ultimately lost to Robert Baratheon and Ned Stark. Balon Greyjoy, Lord of the Iron Islands, surrendered and gave up his only surviving son (Theon) to Ned Stark as a hostage. This was to ensure he wouldn't attack a second time.

Except being a "hostage" at Winterfell really isn't that bad of a gig. Ned Stark, being Ned-ish, is very kind to Theon and he is raised as one of his own. Theon and Robb are very close and think of each other as brothers. He fights with Jon Snow a lot, but Jon is all moody anyway. Other than that, Theon is loyal to the Starks and even fights by Robb's side when the War begins. Robb has a great idea to release Theon to go to his father to ask for help fighting against the Lannisters. And what a horrible decision! Theon ends up bullying poor little crippled Bran and taking over Winterfell! What a douche.

Reasons to love Theon: Well, there honestly isn't much to love about Theon except that you do feel sorry for him. I think he really would like to remain loyal to the Starks, especially Robb, but his desire to impress his father is just too much. When he returns to his father, he is greeted with anything but a warm welcome. His father thinks he is a lost cause and the Starks have tainted him beyond repair. And he absolutely does NOT want to help Robb in the war. Theon also gets to meet his sister, Asha (the show renames her Yara). Check out this exchange.

Asha/Yara totally tricked him into being like the Lannister twins! She does this to humiliate him. Asha/Yara is the dad's favorite now. I actually must commend the Ironborn for taking women seriously. She and the father both see her as the new heir and Theon feels like an outcast. He is given a ship called Sea Bitch (ha!) and he is not taken seriously as captain. In order to gain respect, Theon feels he must do something drastic to show his dad he is his true heir. Ugh, you can almost hear that one whiny Simple Plan song "Perfect" playing in the background of Theon/Balon scenes.

Reasons to hate Theon: So Theon's awesome idea for impressing his stupid dad (who's mind is clearly made up)? Well, to take over Winterfell! And with Ned dead (R.I.P.), Robb off to war and Jon Snow at The Wall, the one holding Winterfell is Bran. Yes, little crippled Bran and six year old Rickon are the only Starks at Winterfell when Theon comes to attack. And the sad thing is, Theon can't even do that right! Bran and Rickon escape and everyone just laughs at him. In desperation, he finds to miller's boys and pretends like they are Bran and Rickon and hangs them. He covers them in tar so no one knows the truth.

Not our boys, but still sad to kill children!

The thing is, no one knows the truth. Catelyn and the rest of the Starks truly believe Bran and Rickon are dead and it's heartbreaking. It even leads Catelyn to make the moronic decision to let Jaime Lannister go free. So Theon causes a lot of damage. Even his sister thinks he sucks at decision-making. He asks for her help and she refuses. So Theon's decision alienates him from both his father and the Stark's sides. He is screwed. It gets worse when Ramsay Bolton comes along and burns down Winterfell and takes Theon prisoner. This is where I am in the books. Theon is being tortured horribly by Ramsay and it's actually quite sad. If only he would have stayed and helped Robb. : (

High School: Theon would totally be a wannabe gangster in high school. You know the type! He would act all thuggish when he was really just a big wuss that lives in a nice neighborhood. Let's just say he'd be pretty fly for a white guy! Ha ha. He would talk a lot of crap, but be scared to back it up. He would pick on people weaker than him to prove his so-called bad ass behavior. As for girls, he would be a total player and be known to "hit it and quit it". He would start out high school with some nice friends from his childhood. He would then totally ditch them to gain approval from the cool gangster crowd. And he would not impress them in the least! He would also get beat up a lot by this same crowd. High school Theon would totally suck at life!

Let's Mix In Some Sticks: Poor Saucer. I just want to say that I am heartbroken for her over the lockout. She is seriously one of the biggest hockey fans I have ever known and now she doesn't have a season to look forward to. I feel so bad! I have never watched hockey, but I was planning on it this year. But now I can't and I am sad! But not as sad as poor Saucer. At least we have the blog to comfort us! And I am recommending that she read ASOIAF to occupy her mind during this difficult time. : )

But back to Theon and his hockey counterpart. I say it would be Sean Avery. He is know for making some asshole remarks and is not well liked by many of his teammates. Like Theon, he has a hard time fitting in but probably is misunderstood in a lot of ways. The both make up their own rules (see: The Sean Avery Rule) and things don't really work out for them. He also bullies other players like Theon bullied Bran. Sean is now retired because no one wants him on their team. Hopefully he won't suffer the same fate as Theon in the torture dungeon!

~Beddee